I Am Stardust Awake: 7 Days of Silence with Black, Indigenous, People of Color


Have you ever experienced something and thought... this must be what it feels like to be in a loving mother's womb?

Seen... 
Heard...
Felt...
Held... 
Protected... 
Nourished... 
Loved unconditionally...

This was my felt experience of sitting silently in community with over 100 Black, Indigenous, People of Color for 7 days. It changed me in profound ways. 

Precious karma brought me to Spirit Rock's 21st Annual BIPOC Retreat. It was hosted by an utterly brilliant and wiseful teaching team, whose wide-open hearts, gently interlocked, created the most tender field of energy to hold with quiet grace, the ocean of collective grief, sorrow, anger, pain, joy, courage, and hope, that was so palpably felt, even across our virtual platforms.  Especially given the state of America and its continued brutalization and massacre of Black and Brown lives, whether in the form of broken healthcare systems leaving more Black, Native, and Latinx people to die of COVID19, or in the form of police and prison system violence and murder. This retreat, and its timing, was undeniably necessary for the continuous healing and physical, emotional, and spiritual survival of BIPOC folks. 

While the magical stardust of this experience is still settling upon me, these are the immediate lessons I can so joyfully share with you. 
  • Invisible to the eye, a forcefield of ancestral spirits and divine love showered by the natural elements of mother earth, is somehow created when Black, Indigenous, People of Culture, come together for collective healing and refuge. The feeling of true oneness is sweet and simply indescribable. 
  • Immeasurable, the penetrating, healing power of teachers, mentors, and leaders, when they unabashedly bring their whole beings, their hearts full and beating, their bodies alive, and their humble wisdom to meet you exactly where you are, with no conditions, and only their true essence totally naked and vulnerable, ready to serve and be with you in all your ways. Witnessing this depth of generosity inspired me beyond belief, to find this healing container first in myself, and then with others. 
  • Each and every single one of us has a deep longing to be intimate with our own experiences, to know and understand ourselves fully. We long to hold and see ourselves for exactly who we are, with the unconditional love that we feel resting quietly and curiously in our mother's womb. 
  • Within our bodies, there is a home of silence and stillness, when lived in or at least visited regularly, that can be the safe refuge and power we need to live truly loving, happy, meaningful, and fulfilled lives. 
I know with complete certainty, this period of silence will leave imprints on my heart and body for the rest of this lifetime and other lifetimes to come. By the wise words of Angela Davis, I am changing that which cannot be changed. Thank you to our beautiful retreat teachers and sangha, and to the universe, for your timely gifts of tenderness and unconditioned care and support. My heart is weeping love.  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Fear Series: I am too much to be loved

Image
Shoreline at Point Reyes Feeling.  Feeling has been my greatest power, yet my greatest source of suffering. I've been deeply sensitive since I was a small person. As a power, my feelings have enabled me as a natural empath who can pick up on nuanced, interpersonal dynamics and effectively support people emotionally. As a source of suffering, my feelings, left unseen, cause me to be unnecessarily defensive, difficult, and self-loathing. To deal with them, I tend to feel quickly, "process" quickly, and show it quickly. Part of the quick pace has been conditioned by my family.  My feelings represented weakness, disrespect, and a lack of gratitude. They needed to disappear as quickly as they came.  How could you be crying? What is there to cry about? We love you, we feed you, we house you, and we keep you physically safe. You're in America! It's not like you fled war! Save your tears for something worth crying for.  So, you might be thinking, well at least you can fee
Read more

A Year of Dana

Last October, I went to a powerfully intuitive reiki practitioner, looking for a cleanse and realignment of the energy centers in my body. I needed her help to deal with my divorce grief. I had no idea what to expect, but walked away feeling upright, lighter, and energetic. Days after my second reiki, while sitting in meditation, I experienced an intimate moment of gratitude for someone I love deeply. Within minutes, I felt a rush of clarity and energy in my body. Just like that, the idea of living A Year of Dana came to me. After a few months of feeling the continuous energy of this idea in my heart and body, I finally decided to give notice to my employer. I am leaving my job of five years on April 3, 2020. Over the next year, I will be living A Year of Dana , focused on the practice of generosity towards myself and others. I will practice generosity through cultivating a heartset and mindset of abundance and dismantling my own mental conditioning around scarcity. My h
Read more

You failed at your marriage

My mom said to me, you failed at your marriage.  It was unexpected. My mind didn't really register her words but my body started to react. I noticed some physical sensation but instead of pausing to let my mind catch up, I quickly moved into an intellectual response. I explained to my mom,  Ma, it's not really about success or failure. A lot of people stay in unhappy marriages and treat each other poorly. If you're seeing it from that lens, you wouldn't call that a successful marriage, would you? I didn't fail though. I loved and I learned. This is just life.  Somehow, I thought reframing would help. But it didn't. She said some things in return, but I was in such shock by her words that I don't recall the rest of the conversation. We hung up. She had no idea the impact of her words. I didn't either. I had to rush out of my place to catch Bart to the city. I started texting one of my best friends sharing what my mom said. My friend was in disbelief
Read more