Kid of Tiger Mom Arm Wrestled into Virtual Toast




My final week of work offered me a challenge to explore many questions: How do I relate to the experience of receiving generosity from others? How does my ego affect the ability to embrace kindness? What is my relationship with non-closure? 

I was feeling grumpy about not having my "high-school senior graduation" at work. No prom or senior night after 5 years of service? Bleh! Given the state of the world, the thought of a virtual toast as a farewell party just made my skin crawl with discomfort. On the one hand, I was frustrated about not getting the closure I wanted. On the other hand, I was uncomfortable with all the focused attention. Our minds are fickle aren't they? I was so wrapped up in my own ego about things, it was hard to see the opportunity. A virtual thing seemed remiss. 

So I told my co-worker, "Let's not do it. It will be so awkward!" But who would it be awkward for? My co-workers or myself? Fortunate for me, my co-workers are the loving, persistent type. They arm wrestled me into a virtual toast and as we approached the final week, I started to find peace and acceptance with my closure, however it looked. As peace and acceptance deepened, something changed in my body. What started off as tightness in my chest evolved into a light expansion of my heart. I started to feel more joy and ease, allowing me to open up for really meaningful conversations with team members and co-workers about all the life-things - our goals, inspirations, families, and personal struggles. I noticed when my discomfort would rise while people shared their reflections and appreciations about our working partnerships. Seeing my discomfort allowed it to fade away just as quickly as it came. 

Finally, I had arrived. I felt detached from my ego and fully surrendered myself to the warm generosity and kindness of others. As a kid of a Tiger Mom, this is a feat worth noting. The virtual toast ended up being anything but awkward - authentic, joyful, tender, and perfect. It was so special to see everyone's faces at once (go gallery view!). We had a total blast sharing good memories, kind words, and laughter. We even had an after party 😏. 

In reflection, it's clear... receiving generosity is completely out of my comfort zone. I want to feel the love but I am not so good at letting myself feel it. Often, when people are saying nice things to me, somehow I blackout and stop listening. I react to gratitude as if it is a burden on the other person. As if I don't deserve it. As if I am not loveable enough to be given good things. Well, I am deeply grateful to my work family for helping me flip these untrue stories over and encouraging me to examine more closely why I struggle so much with receiving dana. What a meaningful final gift. 

I'm going to miss these faces a ton.



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