Am I Ready to Die?
Am I ready to die? Am I ready to die alone?
I spent all day contemplating these questions. They're not questions we're forced to think about often, as young people or as Americans. But given the state of this pandemic, many of us, maybe for the first time ever, are confronting this possible reality. Maybe though, despite the grave circumstance, some of us are not yet allowing ourselves to really consider this reality. Because frankly, the thought of dying, regardless of our age, is absolutely terrifying. And to die alone, wow. Who could blame this fear of ours though? Our American view of death is one of deep aversion. It's not something we talk openly about, embrace, celebrate, nor prepare for. It's something we avoid and run away from.
Am I ready to die? Am I ready to die alone?
While I haven't asked myself these questions explicitly before coronavirus, over the past few months, I have been in deep contemplation about many other aspects of death.
Am I scared of death? Am I scared of my loved ones dying? How does death inform my life choices now? How does thinking about death bring mindful attention to my present moment?
You see, the death of my longtime partnership last year completely shook my world as I knew it. I have been mourning the end of my marriage, the end of what I believed my life would look like, and the loss of the person I used to be. This extent of grieving has fundamentally shifted my view on death, both the big end of life death as well as the "smaller"or "medium" sized deaths that occur everyday. The end of a friendship. The loss of a dear pet or a good job. The end of a long work day. The end of a bus route line. The end of a delicious meal. A beautiful sunset to mark the close of daylight. The turnover of cells in our bodies. Or just a single breath. Rise and fall. Rise... and fall. Whether we notice it or not, like it or not, we living beings are enduring deaths and transitions on a daily basis.
Am I ready to die? Am I ready to die alone?
I am still thinking about these questions for myself. I don't think that I am quite ready to die, but the ability to reflect upon the meaning of death to me has greatly expanded my mind to accommodate the real possibility that death could arrive at any point. My increasing ability to grapple with this reality has helped me navigate my own grief and brought some deeper level of peace. Most importantly, it has helped me feel more alive and present with myself in a way I haven't experienced before. For this, I am grateful to have the time to think about it before it happens.
As I wrap up day 14 of physical distancing and sheltering in place away from my loved ones, I realized I've learned quite a bit from coronavirus. How to sit with the painful discomfort of my own mortality. How to not take my loved ones for granted. How to see the true interconnection between every single person living on this planet, that our individual actions can deeply impact each other.
What have you learned from coronavirus? What questions has it raised for you?
By the way, if you are interested in what a daily contemplation of death looks like, consider downloading the WeCroak app. It has helped shape my relationship with death over the past few months. Thank you to my dear spiritual friend for sharing it with me.
I spent all day contemplating these questions. They're not questions we're forced to think about often, as young people or as Americans. But given the state of this pandemic, many of us, maybe for the first time ever, are confronting this possible reality. Maybe though, despite the grave circumstance, some of us are not yet allowing ourselves to really consider this reality. Because frankly, the thought of dying, regardless of our age, is absolutely terrifying. And to die alone, wow. Who could blame this fear of ours though? Our American view of death is one of deep aversion. It's not something we talk openly about, embrace, celebrate, nor prepare for. It's something we avoid and run away from.
Am I ready to die? Am I ready to die alone?
While I haven't asked myself these questions explicitly before coronavirus, over the past few months, I have been in deep contemplation about many other aspects of death.
Am I scared of death? Am I scared of my loved ones dying? How does death inform my life choices now? How does thinking about death bring mindful attention to my present moment?
You see, the death of my longtime partnership last year completely shook my world as I knew it. I have been mourning the end of my marriage, the end of what I believed my life would look like, and the loss of the person I used to be. This extent of grieving has fundamentally shifted my view on death, both the big end of life death as well as the "smaller"or "medium" sized deaths that occur everyday. The end of a friendship. The loss of a dear pet or a good job. The end of a long work day. The end of a bus route line. The end of a delicious meal. A beautiful sunset to mark the close of daylight. The turnover of cells in our bodies. Or just a single breath. Rise and fall. Rise... and fall. Whether we notice it or not, like it or not, we living beings are enduring deaths and transitions on a daily basis.
Am I ready to die? Am I ready to die alone?
I am still thinking about these questions for myself. I don't think that I am quite ready to die, but the ability to reflect upon the meaning of death to me has greatly expanded my mind to accommodate the real possibility that death could arrive at any point. My increasing ability to grapple with this reality has helped me navigate my own grief and brought some deeper level of peace. Most importantly, it has helped me feel more alive and present with myself in a way I haven't experienced before. For this, I am grateful to have the time to think about it before it happens.
As I wrap up day 14 of physical distancing and sheltering in place away from my loved ones, I realized I've learned quite a bit from coronavirus. How to sit with the painful discomfort of my own mortality. How to not take my loved ones for granted. How to see the true interconnection between every single person living on this planet, that our individual actions can deeply impact each other.
What have you learned from coronavirus? What questions has it raised for you?
By the way, if you are interested in what a daily contemplation of death looks like, consider downloading the WeCroak app. It has helped shape my relationship with death over the past few months. Thank you to my dear spiritual friend for sharing it with me.
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