I Love You

Why is saying 'I Love You' so damn hard? Maybe it's just me who struggles with this. Saying ILY to even the closest people in my life is not so comfortable to do, as I would assume someone who is as feel-y as me, would experience. Doesn't matter the form. In-person, in a text, or in an email. All equally uncomfortable and awkward for me. Anytime I say or write it, there's a pause and a wondering of questions.

Is this too much? 
Is this needy? 
Are we there yet? 
Are they going to feel awkward? 
Do they feel the same? 
Will they say it back? 
Can friends say I love you too? 
Why is this so uncomfortable? 
What am I scared of? 

What is it about the practice of telling the people we love that we love them? Is it the fear of rejection? Is it the vulnerability? Is it because we didn't grow up hearing it ourselves? Is it because we aren't used to saying it? Is it all of these things?

Whatever it is, I'm trying to come closer to it by moving past the pause and just saying it when I feel it.

And when I say it, I'll try to notice if I am searching for the return of love and why. This is so human though, isn't it?

We all just want to know that we're loved back. And most likely, we are.

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