in order to bloom

View of San Francisco's skyline at Grizzly Peak Lookout

Earlier today, I went on a solo hike in Tilden Regional Park. Being outside in nature on the last day of this decade was intentional. On the hike, I thought about where and who I was in 2010 and how much things have changed as we approach a brand new decade. Ten years ago, I remember having such a fixed view of the myself. Yet at the same time, I was constantly trying to improve who I was, never really feeling satisfied. Why?

In some moments, the feeling has been reluctant recognition.
This is who I am and I'm not going to change much.

In other moments, the feeling has been internalized disapproval.
I really don't like myself right now, how can I improve?

Why couldn't I just accept my ever changing self with love and compassion, as I was, in any given moment?

 As these reflections floated around in my mind, I finally reached the top of the hike, Wildcat Peak. I sat, breathed in the crisp clean air, took in the beautiful expansive view of San Francisco's skyline, and made peace with the noisy banter of two families also enjoying the sights. I pulled out the sun and her flowers by rupi kaur, a timely gift of beautiful poems about love from a beloved.

this is the recipe of life
said my mother
as she held me in her arms as i wept
think of those flowers you plant
in the garden each year
they will teach you
that people too
must wilt 
fall
root
rise
in order to bloom 
                    - rupi kaur

 Tears swelled in my eyes upon reading this piece.

I don't know exactly where I am in my healing and growth journey. Some days I am wilting or falling in hurt and pain. Some days I am taking root in my own self love and the care of beloveds. Some days I am rising in inner wisdom or teachings from others.

I'm patiently awaiting my day of bloom.

While I wait, I will attempt to love and accept myself fully in whatever state of flowering I'm in. As I am.

Comments

  1. UnknownJanuary 13, 2020 at 8:12 PM

    As you bloom, you will provide a shadow for me to take root.
    Cheering for you as you are.

    ReplyDelete

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